I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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