I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
