Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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