So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
