Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
