Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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