White coat. Heels.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
