There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
