omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
