Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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