The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
