He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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