nut hugger
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
