It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
