Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
