I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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