um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Still dying that you shit outside
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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