i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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