Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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