I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dignity is for republicans.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
