She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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