I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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