were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
