Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
