Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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