Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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