ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Randomize
