That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
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His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
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I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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