dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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