Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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