3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
