Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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