This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Randomize
