DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Randomize
