Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
