Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
