Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There r osticjed everywhere
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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