Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
