don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
