I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She told me I should be a condom model.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
