i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i love accidental penises.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
