508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
