my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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