Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
