You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
