seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
