Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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