I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I could make wine with my vomit
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize