You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
