dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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