My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
