Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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