Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
