How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
