I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
