She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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