you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
