Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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