Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
