Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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