so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
