My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
