okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
