and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
