I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
