i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
