3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
