My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
